I felt a lot better after writing this one!
I’m grateful to the egregious Boris Johnson for being such a vile individual as to link Keir Starmer’s name to that of the truly monstrous Jimmy Saville. It was the act of a desperate man who is out of ideas and at the end of his tether. It was so grotesque that it caused my bottled-up anger to explode into this jolly little song.
Johnson, however, carried on a long-established and (dis)honourable tradition of telling outright lies to the public. It puts him in good company, as you can see above from the few examples I have chosen. I’ll let the song say the rest, but I will dedicate this bouncy little rant to my old pal Nigel Brown. I know that Nigel shares my view of the amoral turd that was our Prime Minister when this song was born. I am grateful to my co-writer, Alexander Solzhenitsyn, for the chorus lyrics of this. I’m not sure he wrote them, but he is reported to have said them.
Liz Truss resigned and Suella Braverman was booted before I had a chance to sing their verses, btw!
Here’s the mp3
and the sheet music
They Lie
- (1536) He told us that his queen had banged her minstrel and her brother.
He said she wished her kingly husband dead.
Without a son, she clearly was a bad and useless mother.
So, he told us lies and then chopped off her head. - (1940) They told us Jews were parasites, they told us they were spies.
They told it to us time and time again.
No one believed that anyone could tell a lie that size.
So we believed the words of evil men. - (1973) He told us he knew not a thing about the Watergate.
Of bugs and stolen letters – not a jot.
They tried hard to indict him, but they left it far too late.
He resigned and he escaped the bloody lot. - (1982) She told us the Belgrano was just not for turning back.
And then she simply blew it off the map.
(2003) He told us there were guns that could hit London from Iraq.
‘cos he bought a pile of presidential crap. - (2006) The Grand Old Duke of York would never grope a little girl.
He said that was a load of balderdash.
He’d quite forgot the time he gave Virginia a whirl.
So why give her a great big pile of cash? - (2019) When asked a tricky question, inside a fridge he hid.
He told that he had done nothing wrong.
(2016) He said the NHS would get £350 million quid.
If we’d just tell the French to fous le camp! - (2021) They told us Johnny Foreigner was stealing all our jobs.
They told us Britain would be great again.
While we all stayed at home and kept our masks upon our gobs.
They all got pissed at number ten. - (2022) He said the opposition would support a paedophile.
Said that Starmer had the Saville monster freed.
We didn’t think that even he could sink to tell a lie so vile.
But then … He always wins the prize for best in breed … - (2022) She told us Kwasi Kwarteng was the absolute bees knees.
Then she found a bus and pushed him out in front.
But she’s silly and she is useless and her brain is made of cheese.
‘Cos she trusts that two-faced pillock, Jeremy Hunt! - (2022) I’ve have paid my tax bill now, you know.
I’ve paid five million quid. I’d like my knighthood now if that’s all right.
I just gave cash to daddy for some hard work that he did.
It’s in Gibraltar now and I am talking nonsense. - (2022) Our Boris thinks the laws should just adapt to all his needs.
So he lied inside Westminster’s hallowed halls.
He said he didn’t know about Chris Pincher’s dirty deeds.
(He said) it was just a big handful of balls. - (2022) He said he was a nice man, who would not invade Ukraine.
He said he was a man who kept his word.
So what’s with all the guns and bombs and tanks and aeroplanes?
He’s mad and he’s a lying Russian turd. - (2022) He made a pile of money and he nabbed a wealthy bride
To whom, it seems, our taxes don’t apply.
America, it seems, is where he really wants tae bide.
I think they should go forth and multiply! - (2016) Never trust a man with Shredded Wheat upon his head,
who says climate change is just a liberal stunt.
He lied about his money and about who shares his bed.
He’s a vulgar, stupid, lying, racist idiot. - (2022) She said that they’d be safe home in Rwanda or a barge.
I’m not convinced that she knows which is which.
She got fired, so just be joyful that Cruella’s not in charge
She’s a nasty, twisted, pushy, selfish ex-home-secretary. - (2024) So Donald says a fortnight will get Vladimir at bay.
He tells us stuff that makes your brain go numb!
(2020) A glug of bleach will make the COVID virus go away.
If you also stick a lightbulb up your bum. - (2024) He told us Stormy Daniels was just not his kind of squeeze.
And the Democrats had just made up that stuff.
It looks like horny Stormy might bring Donald to his knees –
but then he’ll simply grab her by the tufted lady grotto. - (2024) They told us that Horizon was the best there’s ever been.
That Fujitsu’s software always gets it right.
They said that every problem was the only one they’d seen.
They simply talked unmitigated nonsense. - (2024) He told us that Rwanda was the land of milk and honey.
So we’ll just send our migrants overseas.
If it wasn’t such a shitstorm, it would really be quite funny.
Just ask our poor Rwandan refugees! - (2023) So Rishi says his emails were not backed up from his phone.
He’s just another lying hypocrite.
He says it isn’t his fault that the messages are gone.
And he’s dropping civil servants in the pond. - (2016) He said that Litvinenko died of nowt to do with him.
(2024) He said Navalny’s death was just bad luck.
So why a secret funeral? He thinks the world is dim.
But we all know psychopaths don’t give a monkeys. - (2024) They told us that the drone strike was a terrible mistake
It was dark. It was the middle of the night.
Then they hit the cars like bullseyes, one by one for heaven’s sake.
It’s just lies and Netanyahu is a very nasty man. - (2024) So Nigel is A Brexit man, although his name is French.
He’s off to Clacton now, to try his luck.
But singing songs of Hitler makes a very nasty stench.
He’s a monster and he doesn’t give a monkey‘s. - (2024) J D Vance has said that clever folk are his worst enemies.
That Universities should just be whipped.
But Albert Einstein was a 1930s refugee.
Vance is reading from a well-known Nazi script. - (2024) He tells us that Kamala wants to ban a juicy steak
He says that comrade Harris is just dumb.
She let 20 million migrants in. That’s crap, for heaven’s sake.
Then he said she was a Marxist and a bum. - (2025) He says that Scottish folk are not allowed to say their prayers.
He says that being woke’s the battle front.
He makes up stuff, he reads his script and not a jot he cares.
He’s a nasty little man and right wing vice president of the United States of America. - (2025) He says he’ll save Ukraine and Gaza will become Miami
His facts for saying this are rather sparse.
It’s looks like this new bag of shit will be a double whammy.
With Donald’s nose stuck right up Putin’s ear. - J D Vance has said that clever folk are his worst enemies.
That Universities should just be whipped.
But Albert Einstein was a 1930s refugee.
Vance is reading from a well-known Nazi script. - So he asked Mr Zelensky if he didn’t own a suit.
His questions were obnoxious and inane.
But now we know for certain and there really is nae doot.
That J D Vance does not possess a brain - (2025) He says that Greenland needs to be his latest acquisition.
That Canada should be his latest state.
Your Polish friends will tell they’ve been in the same position.
Just change the bloody fascist and the date.