This one happened when I was back-to-the-wall, struggling with the loss of my then wife … who had left me in 2019 to start a new life alone. I was trying to come to terms with life as secular monk and being “looked after” by some really good friends. Almost all were women – but not all. One of the lovely women was one Gillian Mary Amos.
On 1st July, after a particularly guts-on-the-table exchange of emails, Gill came round for dinner and a chat. Food was eaten, wine was drunk. Clothes remained on, we sat on separate chairs, but hands were held, as many words were spoken and many tears shed on both sides.
I walked Gill home at 2am (!) and asked if I could hold her hand. She said “yes” and I immediately had that funny electric-buzzing feeling that I remember from my teenage years. From that point on, had I been 16 and at school (which was how I felt), I would have been writing “Gill” on my jotters inside a big heart. My firmly-locked and padlocked emotional doors had been kicked open effortlessly and it seemed that Gill’s had also collapsed without much of a fight, after 13 years of artificial “Ice Maiden”!
Initially, we were cautious about making too many assumptions about what had just happened. Nature took over, however and we will be married next July (2020). This may seem rash, but we have known and liked one another for 35 years, this feels 110% right to both of us and life is too short to waste on prevarication.
The song says the rest.
and here are the lyrics
I thought that I could never love again.
Fifty ways to turn aside another lover.
Five hundred more to keep me safe from pain.
It took me far too long to find you and discover
that broken hearts can heal and mend and learn to fly.
That tears can wash the bitter wounds and soothe the soul.
That love can grow where flowers fade and die.
That you’re the magic spell that makes me whole.
You raise me up, you set me free, you let me fly.
You kicked in my doors, you tore down my wall, you made me cry.
What drew me to you? It’s not hard to understand.
But you took me close to heaven when you let me hold your hand.
You’re in my dreams, you’re in my head, you’re in my soul.
You are my sunrise when you welcome in the dawn.
And when I’m broken, your sweet loving makes me whole.
You are a work of art, so beautifully drawn.
You’re in my bones, you’re in my blood like holy wine.
Your voice is singing sweet and softly in my dreams.
You’re in my heart and I am on the borderline.
Between earth and heaven – that’s the way it seems.
I love each little thing you say and do.
That look of love you give me makes me smile
Your wanton look stirs up a need for you.
You promise, you bewitch and you beguile.
You are my gypsy, you’re my angel, you’re my friend.
You’re my lover, you’re my precious guiding star.
I’ll be with you and I’ll love you ’til the end.
The place I need to be is where you are.